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A Recipe - The Classic Party Quickie.

  • A busy house party (or you can do it in the bedroom of your apartment while you have visitors!),
  • A horny, somewhat drunk, woman,
  • A horny, somewhat drunk, man (obviously not too drunk, or the whole concept of quick is moot),
  • A temporarily unoccupied bed, chaise lounge, or sofa, preferably not too low,
  • A laissez-fair attitude about getting caught in the act, and a good sense of humor,
  • Darkness is fine - that way you may not notice the couple at the other side of the bed, and it's all going to be a blur anyway.

By horny, I mean gagging for it. Little preparation is therefore called for, or required. If the woman is wearing a skirt and thigh-highs, she need only remove the knickers. If you have a sense of mischief, stick them in the man's pocket. The man will need to remove one leg from his pants/underpants, presumably also a shoe. If the woman is also wearing pants, she must do likewise. The same leg for each, let's say the right leg to avoid confusion, since you're both drunk.

Stagger toward the bed or whatever. The woman should initially sit on the edge of it, roughly in the center. She should remove any remaining traces of pant leg or whatever from the area of the Pussy, and spread her legs. The whole process will be speeded and eased if she does what she does best with her fingers on the Pussy, while the man is struggling to get a leg out of his pants. We have to get from 0 to 60 in minimal seconds.

For this recipe, the man must give head. Since it's going to be quick, we need to give the woman a jump start so that we're in with a chance she'll get some pleasure out of it. Remember the theory guys, give pleasure, get more. Leave her high and dry, and for the future, forget it! You must use your best efforts to do the greatest job you can with your tongue. If she comes now, all well and good. I don't think anybody is going to complain about the exact timing under these circumstances. Limit yourself to say five minutes, though the woman is permitted to haggle.

The woman must now turn, and lie along the edge of the bed etc, facing inward, with the left/clothed leg downward. She must draw up the other knee so that it is close to her breasts, and point the lower leg into the bed.

The man must keep the left/clothed leg on the floor, and put the other foot on the bed in the crook of the woman's bent knee. If you find yourself looking at her feet now, you are facing the wrong way, and you are probably too drunk, but let's not have that stop us. Turn around and try again. At this point, it should be difficult for you to miss. Your erect Dick should be lying on the woman's leg, pointing at the Pussy. The woman should grab it, and pull it in.

The man should find he is now in an excellent position for giving the matter his forceful attention. If the woman has her leg well raised, you should be able to get everything in, balls and all, as they say! You have a foot on solid ground, and the other to act as a fulcrum, so Archemedes should have nothing on you. You should also be able to get your right hand up under her blouse to get hold of a tit, which will give you further purchase. Deep, hard and fast thrusting is the order of the day. Go for it, and damn the torpedos. I'm sorry girls, but you're on your own at this stage - I suggest you continue with the fingers as well. When the man's finished, he should kiss the woman, and tell her "Thanks honey, that was wonderful". If you get a positive response, you've done well, and may get a repeat invite!

You should both remember to go to the bathroom afterwards. The woman will need no prompting, since she'll probably have things running down her leg by this time, and in any case she will have to go and search her purse for the panties (which are of course, in the man's pocket). The man had better go because his face smells of Pussy - a kitchen sink and paper towels will do fine. He should also check his pants. It's easy when pulling out to drag all the semen out of the woman, and flick it on your pants leg. When you go back to the party, your bosses wife will point out to you that you've spilled something, and may help you wipe it off. When she get's a sniff of it, notices that your face smells of Pussy, and that you're only wearing one shoe, you may have problems of one sort or another. For this recipe you need:
  • A horny bosses wife,
  • ....